Sometimes life throws you curveballs that you aren’t expecting where situations show up where you don’t feel the least bit prepared. I am sure that you would agree, as you think of situations in your life where things didn’t go as planned, circumstances are often out of your control!
Recently, on vacation, I faced a circumstance that I must admit, was quite a difficult challenge.
To set the context— my husband Darren and I planned a “getaway” to focus and invest in our relationship. The trip was booked months in advance but even with the best planning, sometimes you really don’t know how things are going to work out.
As the time came closer it was obvious that things would look different than in the past. Workwise, we both had a lot on our plate, so we agreed to make it a “work-vacation”, with balance of course.
What we didn’t anticipate was how much business would actually have to take place.
What we had going on in our business at the time, was the closing sale of one of our properties and a property that was being refinanced. The situation was complex, which included international wire transfers, lawyers, buyers, bankers, so many details, etc. etc. etc. Nothing ever happens as planned or in the perfect time, and this uncertainty compounded the stress.
Committed to do our due diligence to deal with these urgent matters, sacrifices had to be made. This involved a lot of time on my husband’s part, and for me, being patient and gracious as supporting and partnering with Darren was crucial.
I was doing a great job at my part, until it looked like there was no end. His days involved staying on top of things, constantly, and having to travel, which meant a huge sacrifice on my part.
This was not what I expected. Sacrificing our needed time away together, our vacation, fell well short of my expectations.
EXPECTATIONS LEADS TO DISAPPOINTMENT
I had to admit that things were very different than what my heart wanted, which was dreadfully disappointing. In an attempt to “suck things up”, to not add any extra pressure, I tried to deny what I was feeling and what my emotions were saying. Unconsciously, I did not trust my emotions to help me through the situation.
I knew things had to shift when I recognized that feelings of frustration were upsetting me. This was not serving us, or the situation.
I realized that I had to be real with “what is” which meant feeling my emotions and the disappointment.
What was needed? It was clarity, wisdom, and support. This was what really mattered.
Trusting my emotional awareness helped me reach out to a colleague to gain insight and perspective. Being listened to, heard and validated, helped me understand what I needed to do to get through the situation. Acknowledging these emotions, the valuable information that they offered, brought perspective in my life.
“I cannot heal or change what I do not acknowledge.”
Being real with our emotions serves us – Acknowledging and being aware of what they have to offer you is key to understanding yourself and others.
Emotional intelligence skills are powerful – Learning to regulate, manage and trust your emotions, gives you the capacity to reason and understand what your emotions are telling you so you can move forward in your life.
In order to move on, sometimes you need to understand why you feel what you do. As you do, you will also understand why you no longer need to feel it.